"He cried in a whisper at some image, at some vision -- he cried out twice, a cry that was no more than a breath: 'The horror! The horror!'"

The above quotation, taken from Joseph Conrad's The Heart of Darkness, sums up how the last few weeks have been for me. My God, the horror. I've been so busy writing and not the good stuff that I want to write. I've finished a stack of essays and am finally done with them until next semester starts up. I'm fairly proud of them and have already gotten one handed back; it earned me an A and was titled "The Guide and the Dictator: Exploring the Poet's Role in 'Tintern Abbey' and 'The Lady's Dressing Room.'" Snappy title or what? It ended up being seven pages; I agonized over the thing. Working on it was one of those all-night affairs. Bleh! I like sleep far too much to be deprived of it like that.

My last essay, which I just turned in yesterday, was a five page affair. It is called, "One Step Away: The Nature of Evil in Othello and The Heart of Darkness." I must say, another snappy title. The reading for this one was pretty interesting. I actually enjoyed parts of Othello, which is strange considering how I usually respond to Shakespeare's work, and The Heart of Darkness is not so bad near the end. Getting through the beginning is like pulling teeth though. I enjoyed writing on evil too since it's a favorite concept of mine. Maybe I should post them both on deviantART. I'd be afraid some punk would steal them and turn them into his or her teacher though. I won't know the grade on that one for a few days yet.

Now I am working on getting my portfolio for my creative writing course finished. This should be fun, but it's actually quite painful. I want it to be perfect. The class forced me to write some poetry, which was painful enough. My writing process for poems consists of sitting in front of a screen for hours, deleting everything that sounds lame until I run out of time and have to print whichever poem managed to appear last. My professor seemed to like them, so maybe I just am too hard on myself. This portfolio is a beast though! Two three page essays (none of which have been written), two short stories (only one of which has been written... kind of) and two poems. THANK GOD, I finished the poems... the half page poems. Am I screwed? It's due tomorrow at 4pm. I plan on posting some of the end results here. There will be two short stories exploring some of Melissa Vander's backstory, which is fun if you're familiar with Legends of Arcadia. I kind of wish Simon were still around so I could ask to use Spurius in it more frequently. The two poems are kind of short, but sweet.

After finishing this portfolio, I have to study for my Spanish final. I kind of skipped a whole lot of class and am afraid I might not pass. In the event that happens, I very well may cry. I hate Spanish; you have no idea how much. Sitting through that lecture is PURE agony. The worst part is the frequent group work. I could tolerate the monstrosity, if I could just sit and listen. The worst part is that I am forced to take this class. I don't want to be bilingual, damn it! Leave me alone Spain!

I'm afraid all of the fun things I've been meaning to write have been pushed to the side. Some have been on hold for months, something that has brought me a great deal of guilt and regret. I've been meaning to get back into the Legends of Arcadia RP for a while now. My Vander Rock storyline kind of imploded with the disappearance of one of the key members though. I'm convinced that he either joined a monastic cult and is unable to contact me ever again or he was killed by his butcher-knife wielding roommate. It's a shame too; that storyline was gold. I've really been wanting to devote some attention to Zanara, one of my other characters. I have no excuses for her being stuck except a lack of time. I've also been kicking around a new character idea for a while now that might help breathe some life back into the place. I'd feel horrid if I made an application for him before completing some of this stuff that's been on the back-burner though. The first thing I will do after getting all this schoolwork out of the way is finish my Star Wars character for Nex and SummerRayn. I feel horrible for keeping you two waiting so long, I really do. I'm a very bad man. I promise, I'll get it done. Not that my promises mean anything to you anymore, I'm sure.

Anyway, that's a full update on what I'm working on right now and why I have no sanity left. Quite mad, I am. I assure you. Oh, I also turned 21 back in November. I should update this blasted journal a little more often than every year and a half.